Lets discuss the hard stuff...

It's been a while since I've posted... and I'm sorry for that. I am so grateful for the boyfriend and all of my friends/family who have reached out and checked up on me to see how I'm doing. 

First question I know you're all wondering... How are the babies!? They are doing amazingly! Their parents are ROCKSTARS!!!! The babies are the sweetest and best nuggets ever!!! I'm so blessed that the parents allow me to keep up with them and see their adorable faces. This was an important aspect for me when deciding to pair up with the parents and they are very sweet to check on me even when they're raising two newborns!

Next most common question I get is how are my emotions. This, in my opinion, is the hardest part of the experience/process. I expected to have the emotional roller coaster but there were so many things I didn't expect. I have never been one to hide away from pointing out the elephant in the room... so let's just get into this, shall we? :) some women live in a quiet personal hell after they deliver, unintionally of course, but nonetheless, some women suffer emotionally. Women need to talk more about the emotional hardships we face when having babies, miscarriages, fertility issues... all of it! I am definitely not ashamed of talking about it and I'm not ashamed of my experiences. My prayer tho is that if I share what I've been through that it will help someone else. Please talk about what you are experiencing whether you're the one experiencing it or you're the one supporting her. You are not alone in what you feel, you're not weird, you are NORMAL! And for me - when you understand how/why you feel these things, it really helps!!! We as a human race need to not stigmatize women who have a hard time with this postpartum emotional roller coaster, because it's no joke. 

Off the soapbox. So, I'm going to be really transparent with this and I'm very open if you have any specific questions. After I had the twins, I was not able to rest very well that first week, which, as it turns out may have been good for me. The hormone issue wasn't any different than any of my other deliveries - to be honest. But it was effecting me much more than I remembered in the past. I expected the couple days of crying for no reason, of having triggers and I was blessed that few asked me about it and the boyfriend and his family did good to keep me distracted for the first 2 weeks. But 3 weeks in, I was still easily triggered and that was very surprising for me. I didn't want to be alone (and thankfully wasn't) but I didn't understand why I was still having a hard time emotionally. I would text about it with the boyfriend and this helped a lot... texting versus talking helped, because I could cry privately and I could articulate my thoughts better by not having to fight tears. He was a solid rock (and still is) for me and didn't judge me, didn't really even question my repeated texts about this. For him never having been around a pregnant woman, he was a trooper! I'm so thankful for him and for his patience with me and his support. He's still my favorite surprise. 

I digress... thru talking it out, I realized that the reason this has been harder on me than the rest of my deliveries is the fact I didn't have a distraction from the emotional roller coaster. Think about it: God really knew what He was doing when He designed childbirth. A woman usually has a human she's caring for 24/7 and there's usually so much love and adoration she's overwhelmed with when she delivers that she frankly does not have time to even notice what she's going thru emotionally. She's consumed with keeping this human alive and by the time she's got downtime to actually worry about herself... she's usually recovered and emotionally stable. 

A carrier does not have that overwhelming distraction - she is forced to rest and is left to her thoughts. She wants to just go back to normal bc now she's not pregnant but she can't... she has to constantly remind herself to sit. She has time to do nothing but worry about herself and what she's going thru. This is where the danger comes in. This is what the hardest thing has been. I've decided to dedicate this entire blog to this subject only because this is such a tender topic and because it's so important that people understand that this process (the mental healing) is JUST AS IMPORTANT as the physical healing. We need to acknowledge this aspect and support those women we have in our lives as they go thru this process. Each woman processes differently and needs to find what works for them and what helps them. Understanding why I struggled more this time was important to me given that being a carrier has been such a blessing for us all and this discovery helped me so much in being able to overcome the crazy.

Some things that helped me was 1: Writing it down. There's something healing and freeing about just saying it. Since verbal was not my preferred method, writing down and acknowledging it and expressing it was a tremendous help to me! If writing helps you, get a journal! Write a blog! :) 2: Keep your mind busy. I did puzzles. I bought two 2000 piece puzzles so I could keep my mind focused on something. This was great because it made me sit my butt down and rest but still gave me a mental distraction. And, my daughter and I were able to spend time together doing it. 3: coloring - yes... I know this sounds crazy, but those dang adult coloring books are the BEST! I got a big pack of sharpies and an adult coloring book and went to town. 4: Reading! The boyfriend found out I had never seen nor read the Twilight series. So he made me watch them when I was pregnant and I started reading them after I delivered. This was a great outlet. I'm a super slow reader but I am really enjoying it. 5: Let people be around you. Even if you think you'll cry, let people come around, or go have lunch dates with your friends. This was hard for me to do because I was embarrassed if I cried in front of others, but it's OK. Most people don't mind and if they do mind, don't be around them. :) 

Let's give a HUGE SHOUT OUT to those who are supporting these women. I know I mentioned above my boyfriend and our families/friends, but I could never have made it thru this entire process without you. Whether you're one who called, made us food, came by to visit, text me, even if you're one who only knows me by reading this blog, you are a HUGE SUPPORT to me. Having a good strong support system is key to making it thru any pregnancy, much less this journey. I can't thank all of you enough for your words, your time, your homes, your hearts. The parents I carried for would say the same thing, too, I know. None of us could make it thru this. You are the biggest blessings I could have ever asked for. Know if you're supporting a woman going thru this, you are her rock. She simply cannot make it without you, no matter what she says. No kindness will be done in vain. 

So. I hope this post wasn't too boring but more importantly I hope this post will benefit someone experiencing this process or by helping someone to be able to support their loved one better. I should probably also add that I feel emotionally stable now. It took me till 4 weeks post delivery to feel back to normal emotionally. But each woman is different.